Negativity, Loss to self, Devalued, Redemption, Transformation

Malachi 3:3

He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord.

There are different types of fire you know. I’d never really thought about it before, until I was looking at what the refining process is. There is a big difference between refining fire and consuming fire. Consuming fire as the name suggests, burns up everything in its path. Whereas the refiner’s fire is a way of making something pure whilst getting rid of the unwanted stuff.

God takes on the role of refiner in our lives. He uses the process to make us into a purer form of what we are. I’m going through this process.

But….people can do things to us to change us and not always for the better as it is with God. As a student I was always fascinated by the pieces of glass I would see on the beach. They were no longer shiny or see through but dull and scratched. There were no sharp edges , they were just like blobs lying amongst the shells, stones and sand. They didn’t look much use either, they no longer had a purpose. As I used to look at these strange shapes, I likened them to myself. I no longer felt like I sparkled like a bottle on the shelf. I had become dull and lifeless. Even my appearance had become less defined as I’d let myself go. But the thing that has changed the most was my purpose, my reason d’être.

The pieces of glass had been buffeted about in stormy seas and continually sifted through sand and agitated between stones and shells. I had been buffeted by a torrent of negative words , actions and activities. Those words had made me believe I was dull, boring, just something hovering in the background. My opinions did not matter so my voice became quiet. The light was no longer in those brown eyes he had once written poems about. I no longer spent time curling my hair the way he had once insisted suited me. No such comments were made anymore. Make up was frowned upon and so it to was relegated to a bag which lay unopened in my dressing table. Dresses which had once made me feel pretty were abandoned in the spare wardrobe as they became too small for the body I now inhabited. A body I now was ashamed of, a body I wanted to hide, a body I felt trapped in with no worth. As these changes took place so did my purpose. My confidence had gone and I felt useless. Days rolled into one another as I would drag this lifeless body into each day as the negativity would agitate my mind until I felt I had been worn away just like those pieces of glass on the beach.

Hold on. Remember the two types of fire? I was not in a consuming fire but a refining one. God still had and has his work to do. I have the word redeemed on my Facebook profile. I have experienced the redemption that came about as a result of Jesus dying on the cross for me. The transformation is taking place.

I no longer live in that negative environment. I immerse myself in the precious word of God to hear who I am to him. I surround myself with people who love him and so have love for one another and practise it daily in a meaningful way. I am forever grateful for the love they show me and my boys.

I cut my lovely long hair and feel it brings out a younger me. The old make up was replaced with new and there is a colour about my face that makes it anything but dull. My eyes are definitely the windows to my soul. I speak volumes through them. If you look closely at times you will see pain, despair and frustration. At other times you’ll see laughter, hope, love and even a glint of mischief.

Not all the dresses fit again but that’s a work in progress. This is a body that bore the Squid and the Ginger Kitten, it has fought depression and as one friend said has a whole lot of love to give. I am no longer ashamed of it, it gets me around this world I’m passing through. I have a purpose – I have a Saviour to serve. I understand the power of words. I don’t just want to use positive ones. I want to use words that encourage and edify those I meet just as we are encouraged to do in first Thessalonians chapter 5 and verse 11. “Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, just as you are in fact doing.”

So I definitely feel I’ve been through the refiners fire. It’s a process and has an end product. The stuff we don’t need is removed from our life and something of value remains. Through it all my Jesus is with me on my journey to joy.