This may make you cry

February has always been a month I enjoyed. It’s shorter than January, my mum’s Birthday is in February, half term is in February and it’s Valentines Day.

Valentines Day has been a joyous occasion in my life for a long time, well, until now. On the 1st Valentine Day with my future husband I was given a single red rose and told from them on , each February 14th I would receive a rose for each year we spent together.

How romantic! Yes, he was. He wrote poems about me, got an eternity ring designed and made for me, wrote clues for the presents he gave me and proposed on the twelfth stroke of midnight on New Years Eve. This appealed to me greatly and made me feel special as not all men are like that , but then, not all women want this.

So the years went by and as well as keeping every card he ever sent me, I kept every rose petal – yes, honestly! When it got to a dozen, I told him e could stop. I knew all about the cost of roses from my mum’s job but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Then at 20 white ones were introduced. The picture at the top is the last bunch I received – 22. That’s where the roses and romance ended and were replaced by another R – rejection.

Rejection is something we all struggle with . Most of us experience it for the first in the school playground. We have a falling out and suddenly our friend(S) reject us.

I remember being rejected by all of my university choices at 18 because of my poor grades. It was humbling. Most of my friends had done exceptionally well and had got into their 1st choice. At 18 it was easier to accept . God has another plan I said to people when they asked. He did. I just had to wait a few weeks until a place became available and I was able to share how God had worked everything together for His good and perfect will. Romans 8:28 paraphrased.

At 22 I suffered rejection again at 14 job interviews! That was demoralising but I still had my youthful optimism and felt God was just giving me practice on my interview technique.

Rejection in love however is another story. It’s not really a path many would choose if given the option but one I ultimately had to face after 22 years.

Rejection means ‘the act of refusing to accept, use or believe someone (or something); the act of not giving someone the love and attention they want and expect.’

The second statement is probably how the process of rejection began. He would take his hand away if I went to hold it, he did not spend as much time in the evenings with me and did not play as much with the Squid or Ginger Kitten. Over time it became apparent what was happening. He spent more time messaging on his phone than he’d ever messaged me. He was with us but not present with us. I felt like I was gradually being usurped. I was spending more time on my own; my attempts to give any love and affection were being refused more often; things I said were not listened to or responded to like they had when we first met or consequently. Even on days out, my role as my husband’s carer , guiding him along an unknown path or crowded street were now being taken over by someone else who was spending family time with us.

To be honest at the time there was so much else going on that although it annoyed me, I felt helpless and hopeless and after a conversation with a friend, I realised I had lost him.

It’s only now that Im processing the act of rejection. The word only really popped into my busy mind a few weeks ago. I’m facing it alone. He has her but I have been rejected. Rejected by the one person I never thought would. I thought he accepted every thing about me: the good, the bad and the ugly. I thought he believed I was the woman who loved him, cared for him in sickness and health, helped him learn to drive, encouraged him to go for promotion, sacrificed work and my career to look after him and our children, made him believe he had the talent to write a book, told him it was ok his friends came over every Thursday night, encouraged him to serve God and be a role model to the young men he came into contact with. I thought I was the one he used as a lover, cook, cleaner, taxi, child minder, hostess, party organiser, personal assistant, prescription collector, shopper, bill payer, spiritual leader……..

It seems I was wrong. I’ve tried not to dwell on it. Then I remembered, I’m not alone. My Jesus knows exactly what I am and have gone through.

Psalm 118:22 says ‘The stone which the builders rejected Has become the chief cornerstone.’

Now this Psalm as speaking of how David the shepherd boy had been rejected. His own father hadn’t brought him to see Samuel the prophet and yet, this man who was rejected was elevated by God to a position of honour and usefulness in the land of Israel.

The Lord Jesus Himself is referred to as the rejected stone in the New Testament. He was rejected by His own people and yet through His death and resurrection, He was exalted and is indeed the cornerstone of our faith.

So, what about the roses, romance and rejection? There may not be any roses or romance this February. The rose petals are gone. They were put in the garden recycling bin when I moved house. The romantic cards? They too have been recycled. Rejection? It won’t have a place in my house on February 14th. The Lord and Saviour who redeemed me loves me with an everlasting love. He will never leave me or forsake me. He can truly empathise with me because He knows what it is like to be rejected. That word can no longer hold any condemnation over me because I’ve named it and shamed it. Even though there may be rejection in the future, here’s what it says in 1 John 4:4 ‘ You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.’

Thanks for reading