faith

Christmas 2019

| JoyfulArtist

“Mummy, do you know some people call Christmas-Xmas? That is just like taking Christ out of Christmas. I don’t like it.” These were the words spoken by the Ginger Kitten a few days before he finished school.

I was so pleased to hear him speak these words at such a young age. He realises the importance of the word and what it means to us believers at this time of year.

It can be a huge trigger for many, especially those who suffer from depression like myself or who have other physical/mental illnesses. I was determined this year not to dip as low as I had last year.

I am a facilitator for WRAP which is a recovery program. Wellness Recovery Action Plan. It is something I’ve done for around five years now and which I’m quite passionate about as anyone I’ve spoken to on the subject will know.

WRAP allows an individual to plan for situations which may trigger off a period in which they are unwell. Christmas as I said can be such a trigger.

So how did I plan? I wrote lists – lists of who was going to receive a present and what it was. I made a lot of presents this year, and that in itself helped me in a therapeutic way. I looked at who was coming to dinner and when which also helped with shopping. I rested. I took time out instead of running around like a headless chicken. I breathed – I downloaded an app to help me breathe and sleep and…I spent time with those I love.

All of this planning helped a lot but so did the love and support of those close to me. I belong to a small family but we are close and always there for one another.

This Christmas I was privileged to spend many happy times with another family. Not everyone shares these experiences. However, at this time of year we remember how Jesus left His Father and was born into a family here on earth. Family is important to God. He never intended us to live alone. He created the family unit to provide love and support and to make each day easier as we help each other practically too. I am also a member of God’s family. I am a daughter of the King and there are so many brothers and sisters in Christ for whom I am truly grateful who added to the joy I experienced this season.

There was a lot of fun this Christmas. Fun being off work, fun trying new things, fun seeing my boys open their presents, fun with family, fun going out for the day and fun making memories together.

Celebrating my faith, spending time with loved ones all have given me hope for the year ahead. But as 1 Corinthians 13:13 says:

“And now abide faith, hope and love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

Love has been evident to me this Christmas. God loved me so much that He let His only Son come to earth and be born in a lowly stable. Jesus left Heaven knowing one day He would die on a cross for my sins. So as I go through 2020 I want love to be more evident in my life as I live each day for Him and His glory.

Thanks for reading

Enjoyment Versus Achievement

| JoyfulArtist

This is the time of year in schools when reports are given out. I’ve waited ever so patiently for the Ginger Kitten to receive his 1st primary school report and for the Squid’s end of year report of High School.

Achievement is what teachers report on. We have to think of 30 different ways of saying the same thing. Reports send dread into the minds of many children and parents. Not everyone is a high achiever. Not every child receives top marks in tests or exams and so they often wonder what they have actually achieved.

I suppose that is why in school reports today, we do also comment on what children enjoy about school. It makes it more personal and gives the impression that we do know the children in our class when we mention little details like their favourite toy or some phrase they always say.

There is a difference between these 2 things. When I was diagnosed with PND after the Squid’s birth, I would meet with a CPN who would encourage me each day to write down something I had achieved and something I had enjoyed. That’s easy enough you may think-not so when you are suffering from depression, when you don’t seem to enjoy anything anymore and getting one foot out of the bed is an achievement. In those early days of recording my achievements versus the things I enjoyed, there were definitely more of the former than the latter. It was an achievement washing my hair; eating 3 meals a day; leaving the house for a reason other than giving my then husband a lift to work. Things I’d once enjoyed just didn’t feature in my life anymore.

However, something happened recently that reminded me of that time when I jotted things down in a spiral bound notebook with a pink flower on the cover.

A few months ago I spent a couple of afternoons cutting out squares and circles -49 of each-from cotton fabric. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it, but, it was an achievement. I hadn’t made a quilt in a long time. I had bought fabric before the Ginger Kitten was born but hadn’t actually got round to making it for him.

Last weekend I attended a quilt exhibition with my BFF. Being surrounded in that small sanctuary by all the fabric, the myriad of colours, the simplicity of some and the complexity of the patterns of others fascinated me and I could feel a stirring up of my passion for textiles. So, I went home, got the circles and squares and dusted down the case of my sewing machine. I started the process of matching circles to complimentary squares and appliquéd them to one another with brightly coloured thread to match the warm, bright colours of the batiks. Before I knew it, photos were being sent to friends of the progress being made. I looked forward to spending a little time each day with my old friend, hearing my machine purr contentedly under my direction.

Hold on! This was not a sense of achievement being reported on . No! This was once again an enjoyable past time. My motivation to get this quilt complete so that I could begin another project I wanted to attempt was building up inside me. I took down numerous books to look for inspiration. I even ventured out to the shed to bring in my stash of fabric and collection of threads.

It was as if enjoyment had sneaked up behind achievement and overtaken it at the last corner in the last minute to win the race.

In the Christian life, God wants us to have an abundant life but we are also accountable. I for one know that I wish to hear those words ‘Well done, good and faithful servant’. However, the relationship I have with the Lord does not depend on works. Yes, I am saved to serve, but works alone can never achieve salvation.

Even in this hobby of quilting I look for ways I can encourage others in their faith, point souls to Him or just glorify God with the talent He has bestowed upon me. So I make gifts for friends, family and colleagues and as I spend the hours seeing by hand or machine, I can pray with each stitch that is completed. What a privilege to spend time talking with the Lord while doing something I enjoy so much.

Thanks for reading,

Restoring a Masterpiece

| JoyfulArtist

At the moment I am feeling very thankful for being alive. I have much to be thankful for but why being alive? As a sufferer of a number of depressive episodes that I hinted to in my last post, I had many days I felt quite the opposite of thankful. I couldn’t thank God, I didn’t want to thank Him . I just didn’t desire to be alive anymore, to my shame. Yet each episode came and went and each time I’ve acknowledged God’s part in that.

But… I know you shouldn’t start a sentence with it , but each time, although I came through it, life wasn’t the same as before. Often I tried to convince myself that I never would be the same because you change as you go through life or depression changes you.

However this time it’s different. So that got me thinking. Dangerous I know but Why? How? This time I’m not living in the same toxic environment I’d found myself in. I’m living in my own home that the Lord provided me with. More than that, I’ve returned to my first love – Jesus.

For a long time I was trying to please a man while trying t make myself believe that I was a Christian; I attended church(albeit a Sunday morning); I read my Bible(not with the discipline my Pastor spoke of recently or with the hunger I had when first converted); I prayed(not with the fervency of the young woman on her knees surrendering her right to motherhood to the Lord or the student who organised prayer meetings and nights of prayer for CU) and I served the Lord(not with the urgency or dedication of my younger self who had taught Sunday School and took part in various other roles before marriage).

I had been trying to please a man, not my love – my Saviour, my Redeemer, the One with whom my relationship is more important than anything else. My relationship with Him is one that is going to last forever. After that, God came close and spoke to me through Scripture.

Our Pastor’s wife had given out the card in the photo at one of our women’s meetings and I’ve been using it as a prompt each week in my prayer journal which I began at the start of 2019. The title says – You Are Who God Says You Are. So far, I’ve covered You Are Beautiful, You Are Unique and You Are Loved which led to this post. The verse accompanying it is Jeremiah 31:3.

“The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying:’Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you.'”

Jeremiah was speaking of a time when the Lord was restoring the nation of Israel just as I am presently living in a time of restoration in my broken life! Wow! How amazing to think that the same God who loved a nation to restore it, also loved me – an individual, enough to restore me.

This was when my mind went into overdrive. I’m a visual person. I am an artist. Restoration made me think of a masterpiece in an art gallery. Over the years, dirt, dust, grime, moisture, pollen and particles of goodness knows what will silently adhere to the painted canvas until a curator decides it needs to be restored to its former glory. It is x-rayed and examined and worked on and quite often when the layers are taken away there may even be objects that had been hidden so long they change the look of the masterpiece.

What has this to do with me and my restoration process? I too am the a masterpiece. I’m not being vain, my Bible tells me in Psalm 139:14

“…I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”

Not only that but when I first came to Christ He made me new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come,” ESV

I feel like a papier-mâché model covered in glue and sheets of newspaper with printed words. For years, words were spoken over me that I believed until I became someone I didn’t even recognise myself in the mirror. The Lord is restoring me. He is carefully dissolving the glue and peeling off the layers of newspaper. Every now and again ‘she’ shines through. Friends and acquaintances have remarked I ‘look alive ‘ or that ‘I’m enjoying life more’. Some people who have known me since forever have even stated that they can see ‘the old me’. I have to correct them there.

That is not the case. Just like the once hidden objects that change the look of the masterpiece, it’s not ‘the old me’ they see but a revelation of the person God wants me to be.

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Thanks for reading x