Birthdays, Creativity and Beliefs

| JoyfulArtist

The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying: “Arise and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause you to hear My words.” Then I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter?” says the Lord. “Look, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel!

Jeremiah 18:1-6

As a child I used to watch a programme on tv called The Generation Game. Sometimes the contestants would be given the task of making something out of clay on a Potters wheel. They were given a demonstration first by a professional potter who of course made it look so simple. Sometimes they had trouble enough keeping the clay on the wheel. The amateurs’ attempts were just that. They often in no way resembled what they had been asked to create it. This is what I was reminded of when I read the verses from Jeremiah. I’ll come back to this in a mo.

Its my birthday soon, one which I will not spend with the Squid or Ginger Kitten. It is not a milestone birthday either. It does however mark another year since I was born. I don’t feel my age, I never have and no doubt I ever will. It’s not that I am in denial, I just like my mum and her mum before her have a youthful outlook on life.

So of course with birthdays come celebrations. I had an early one this year with my BFF. We spent a special time together and one that will be memorable. For as long as I remember, we have been creative together. As teenagers we made things and in our 20s, we attended a quilting class together. So to celebrate this birthday my BFF was taking me to a place you could choose a piece of pottery, paint it and take it home after coffee and cake of course.

Unlike the contestants on the game show, We didn’t have to make our piece of pottery. There was a huge selection to choose from so we chose plates to decorate. We then had to choose sponges with which to decorate our plates. We had great pleasure spending time discussing what colours we would use, what theme our plate would have, which sponges to use and then got on with it. I stopped a few times thinking I was finished then added on a few more details. We had really enjoyed the experience and I’m planning my next visit already.

While I was there, I was reminded of these verses in Jeremiah.God had a message for Jeremiah and He put it across in a very visual way. Jeremiah was obedient to the Lord and went and watched the potter at work. As he observed the craftsman who no doubt had made vast numbers of vessels, the one he was working on became marred. An unusual word – just the kind I like. Marred means that something has been ruined or spoiled, the flaw that makes something outstanding less than perfect. I have a flaw, many in fact. You dear reader have a flaw, as does all of humanity and it is called sin. All of us were fearfully and wonderfully made in our mothers’ wombs and yet we are all flawed.

Thankfully, the potter whom Jeremiah visited did not cast the lump of clay aside rendered useless. No, he made a new vessel out of it. Then God revealed to Jeremiah why he was really in the house of the potter. He had a message for Jeremiah and therefore a message for us. The Lord is the potter in our lives. He believes in second chances. He believes He can take something marred and make it into something new.

So it’s my belief that although I have been marred by past experiences, God will not cast me aside but will make me anew, a living , serving vessel for Him.

We’ve been blessed with sunshine recently on this little isle and so today I decided to get some sketching done in the early evening. Sunshine lifts our spirits and motivates us and encourages .

It also makes me feel joyful on my journey to joy.

Refiner’s Fire

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Negativity, Loss to self, Devalued, Redemption, Transformation

Malachi 3:3

He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord.

There are different types of fire you know. I’d never really thought about it before, until I was looking at what the refining process is. There is a big difference between refining fire and consuming fire. Consuming fire as the name suggests, burns up everything in its path. Whereas the refiner’s fire is a way of making something pure whilst getting rid of the unwanted stuff.

God takes on the role of refiner in our lives. He uses the process to make us into a purer form of what we are. I’m going through this process.

But….people can do things to us to change us and not always for the better as it is with God. As a student I was always fascinated by the pieces of glass I would see on the beach. They were no longer shiny or see through but dull and scratched. There were no sharp edges , they were just like blobs lying amongst the shells, stones and sand. They didn’t look much use either, they no longer had a purpose. As I used to look at these strange shapes, I likened them to myself. I no longer felt like I sparkled like a bottle on the shelf. I had become dull and lifeless. Even my appearance had become less defined as I’d let myself go. But the thing that has changed the most was my purpose, my reason d’être.

The pieces of glass had been buffeted about in stormy seas and continually sifted through sand and agitated between stones and shells. I had been buffeted by a torrent of negative words , actions and activities. Those words had made me believe I was dull, boring, just something hovering in the background. My opinions did not matter so my voice became quiet. The light was no longer in those brown eyes he had once written poems about. I no longer spent time curling my hair the way he had once insisted suited me. No such comments were made anymore. Make up was frowned upon and so it to was relegated to a bag which lay unopened in my dressing table. Dresses which had once made me feel pretty were abandoned in the spare wardrobe as they became too small for the body I now inhabited. A body I now was ashamed of, a body I wanted to hide, a body I felt trapped in with no worth. As these changes took place so did my purpose. My confidence had gone and I felt useless. Days rolled into one another as I would drag this lifeless body into each day as the negativity would agitate my mind until I felt I had been worn away just like those pieces of glass on the beach.

Hold on. Remember the two types of fire? I was not in a consuming fire but a refining one. God still had and has his work to do. I have the word redeemed on my Facebook profile. I have experienced the redemption that came about as a result of Jesus dying on the cross for me. The transformation is taking place.

I no longer live in that negative environment. I immerse myself in the precious word of God to hear who I am to him. I surround myself with people who love him and so have love for one another and practise it daily in a meaningful way. I am forever grateful for the love they show me and my boys.

I cut my lovely long hair and feel it brings out a younger me. The old make up was replaced with new and there is a colour about my face that makes it anything but dull. My eyes are definitely the windows to my soul. I speak volumes through them. If you look closely at times you will see pain, despair and frustration. At other times you’ll see laughter, hope, love and even a glint of mischief.

Not all the dresses fit again but that’s a work in progress. This is a body that bore the Squid and the Ginger Kitten, it has fought depression and as one friend said has a whole lot of love to give. I am no longer ashamed of it, it gets me around this world I’m passing through. I have a purpose – I have a Saviour to serve. I understand the power of words. I don’t just want to use positive ones. I want to use words that encourage and edify those I meet just as we are encouraged to do in first Thessalonians chapter 5 and verse 11. “Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, just as you are in fact doing.”

So I definitely feel I’ve been through the refiners fire. It’s a process and has an end product. The stuff we don’t need is removed from our life and something of value remains. Through it all my Jesus is with me on my journey to joy.

The 3 R’s of February – Roses, Romance &Rejection

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This may make you cry

February has always been a month I enjoyed. It’s shorter than January, my mum’s Birthday is in February, half term is in February and it’s Valentines Day.

Valentines Day has been a joyous occasion in my life for a long time, well, until now. On the 1st Valentine Day with my future husband I was given a single red rose and told from them on , each February 14th I would receive a rose for each year we spent together.

How romantic! Yes, he was. He wrote poems about me, got an eternity ring designed and made for me, wrote clues for the presents he gave me and proposed on the twelfth stroke of midnight on New Years Eve. This appealed to me greatly and made me feel special as not all men are like that , but then, not all women want this.

So the years went by and as well as keeping every card he ever sent me, I kept every rose petal – yes, honestly! When it got to a dozen, I told him e could stop. I knew all about the cost of roses from my mum’s job but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Then at 20 white ones were introduced. The picture at the top is the last bunch I received – 22. That’s where the roses and romance ended and were replaced by another R – rejection.

Rejection is something we all struggle with . Most of us experience it for the first in the school playground. We have a falling out and suddenly our friend(S) reject us.

I remember being rejected by all of my university choices at 18 because of my poor grades. It was humbling. Most of my friends had done exceptionally well and had got into their 1st choice. At 18 it was easier to accept . God has another plan I said to people when they asked. He did. I just had to wait a few weeks until a place became available and I was able to share how God had worked everything together for His good and perfect will. Romans 8:28 paraphrased.

At 22 I suffered rejection again at 14 job interviews! That was demoralising but I still had my youthful optimism and felt God was just giving me practice on my interview technique.

Rejection in love however is another story. It’s not really a path many would choose if given the option but one I ultimately had to face after 22 years.

Rejection means ‘the act of refusing to accept, use or believe someone (or something); the act of not giving someone the love and attention they want and expect.’

The second statement is probably how the process of rejection began. He would take his hand away if I went to hold it, he did not spend as much time in the evenings with me and did not play as much with the Squid or Ginger Kitten. Over time it became apparent what was happening. He spent more time messaging on his phone than he’d ever messaged me. He was with us but not present with us. I felt like I was gradually being usurped. I was spending more time on my own; my attempts to give any love and affection were being refused more often; things I said were not listened to or responded to like they had when we first met or consequently. Even on days out, my role as my husband’s carer , guiding him along an unknown path or crowded street were now being taken over by someone else who was spending family time with us.

To be honest at the time there was so much else going on that although it annoyed me, I felt helpless and hopeless and after a conversation with a friend, I realised I had lost him.

It’s only now that Im processing the act of rejection. The word only really popped into my busy mind a few weeks ago. I’m facing it alone. He has her but I have been rejected. Rejected by the one person I never thought would. I thought he accepted every thing about me: the good, the bad and the ugly. I thought he believed I was the woman who loved him, cared for him in sickness and health, helped him learn to drive, encouraged him to go for promotion, sacrificed work and my career to look after him and our children, made him believe he had the talent to write a book, told him it was ok his friends came over every Thursday night, encouraged him to serve God and be a role model to the young men he came into contact with. I thought I was the one he used as a lover, cook, cleaner, taxi, child minder, hostess, party organiser, personal assistant, prescription collector, shopper, bill payer, spiritual leader……..

It seems I was wrong. I’ve tried not to dwell on it. Then I remembered, I’m not alone. My Jesus knows exactly what I am and have gone through.

Psalm 118:22 says ‘The stone which the builders rejected Has become the chief cornerstone.’

Now this Psalm as speaking of how David the shepherd boy had been rejected. His own father hadn’t brought him to see Samuel the prophet and yet, this man who was rejected was elevated by God to a position of honour and usefulness in the land of Israel.

The Lord Jesus Himself is referred to as the rejected stone in the New Testament. He was rejected by His own people and yet through His death and resurrection, He was exalted and is indeed the cornerstone of our faith.

So, what about the roses, romance and rejection? There may not be any roses or romance this February. The rose petals are gone. They were put in the garden recycling bin when I moved house. The romantic cards? They too have been recycled. Rejection? It won’t have a place in my house on February 14th. The Lord and Saviour who redeemed me loves me with an everlasting love. He will never leave me or forsake me. He can truly empathise with me because He knows what it is like to be rejected. That word can no longer hold any condemnation over me because I’ve named it and shamed it. Even though there may be rejection in the future, here’s what it says in 1 John 4:4 ‘ You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.’

Thanks for reading

Restoring a Masterpiece

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At the moment I am feeling very thankful for being alive. I have much to be thankful for but why being alive? As a sufferer of a number of depressive episodes that I hinted to in my last post, I had many days I felt quite the opposite of thankful. I couldn’t thank God, I didn’t want to thank Him . I just didn’t desire to be alive anymore, to my shame. Yet each episode came and went and each time I’ve acknowledged God’s part in that.

But… I know you shouldn’t start a sentence with it , but each time, although I came through it, life wasn’t the same as before. Often I tried to convince myself that I never would be the same because you change as you go through life or depression changes you.

However this time it’s different. So that got me thinking. Dangerous I know but Why? How? This time I’m not living in the same toxic environment I’d found myself in. I’m living in my own home that the Lord provided me with. More than that, I’ve returned to my first love – Jesus.

For a long time I was trying to please a man while trying t make myself believe that I was a Christian; I attended church(albeit a Sunday morning); I read my Bible(not with the discipline my Pastor spoke of recently or with the hunger I had when first converted); I prayed(not with the fervency of the young woman on her knees surrendering her right to motherhood to the Lord or the student who organised prayer meetings and nights of prayer for CU) and I served the Lord(not with the urgency or dedication of my younger self who had taught Sunday School and took part in various other roles before marriage).

I had been trying to please a man, not my love – my Saviour, my Redeemer, the One with whom my relationship is more important than anything else. My relationship with Him is one that is going to last forever. After that, God came close and spoke to me through Scripture.

Our Pastor’s wife had given out the card in the photo at one of our women’s meetings and I’ve been using it as a prompt each week in my prayer journal which I began at the start of 2019. The title says – You Are Who God Says You Are. So far, I’ve covered You Are Beautiful, You Are Unique and You Are Loved which led to this post. The verse accompanying it is Jeremiah 31:3.

“The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying:’Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you.'”

Jeremiah was speaking of a time when the Lord was restoring the nation of Israel just as I am presently living in a time of restoration in my broken life! Wow! How amazing to think that the same God who loved a nation to restore it, also loved me – an individual, enough to restore me.

This was when my mind went into overdrive. I’m a visual person. I am an artist. Restoration made me think of a masterpiece in an art gallery. Over the years, dirt, dust, grime, moisture, pollen and particles of goodness knows what will silently adhere to the painted canvas until a curator decides it needs to be restored to its former glory. It is x-rayed and examined and worked on and quite often when the layers are taken away there may even be objects that had been hidden so long they change the look of the masterpiece.

What has this to do with me and my restoration process? I too am the a masterpiece. I’m not being vain, my Bible tells me in Psalm 139:14

“…I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”

Not only that but when I first came to Christ He made me new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come,” ESV

I feel like a papier-mâché model covered in glue and sheets of newspaper with printed words. For years, words were spoken over me that I believed until I became someone I didn’t even recognise myself in the mirror. The Lord is restoring me. He is carefully dissolving the glue and peeling off the layers of newspaper. Every now and again ‘she’ shines through. Friends and acquaintances have remarked I ‘look alive ‘ or that ‘I’m enjoying life more’. Some people who have known me since forever have even stated that they can see ‘the old me’. I have to correct them there.

That is not the case. Just like the once hidden objects that change the look of the masterpiece, it’s not ‘the old me’ they see but a revelation of the person God wants me to be.

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Thanks for reading x

Why ‘Journey to Joy’?

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I love journaling and I loved writing in my diary as a teenager before they were called journals here in the UK, so I thought I’d give this blogging thing a go.

Why ‘Journey to Joy’? The last few years haven’t been easy. There have been more experiences in valleys which almost felt like underground caverns at times than those on the hilltop. However, through it all I have had a faithful companion – Jesus – my Saviour, my Redeemer, my Jehovah Jireh. You can’t get better than that.

With it being a new year our church held a series of prayer meetings. It’s been happening a few years now and this year I wanted to make a special effort to be there – even if it meant bringing Squid and the Ginger Kitten (my boys). I truly believe the prayer meeting is the powerhouse of the church and we have an army of faithful prayer warriors in our fellowship. Just sitting, in the stillness, listening as they boldly approach the throne of grace is indeed a blessing in itself.

So back to the question- that first night of prayer there was an opportunity to share how God had been working in 2018. Of course, I felt the poking on my shoulder of the Holy Spirit, saying, “Go on, tell them about joy,” So, for once, I obeyed the prompting of the comforter.

You see I lost my joy around 13 years ago. I had a very much wanted and longed for baby boy who himself had been an answer to my prayers and cries unto the Lord. But the enemy had crept in at the last minute and robed me with the cloak of Post Natal Depression and therefore robbed me of my joy on this monumental occasion.

Fast forward to 2018 and the Lord has an important lesson to teach me and I’m so thankful that He did. He brought my smile back and He taught me that joy is not just a feeling or emotion but an attitude – it’s up to me and you whether to choose it or not.

So dear reader, I’m asking you to join me on this Journey to Joy with me.

Psalm 94:19 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

When I am filled with cares, Your comfort brings me joy.